just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
