This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Randomize
