There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My feet surprised me
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