So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
