So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
