So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
