I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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