You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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