Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
