we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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