Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
