I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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