Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
