Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
