He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think my moral compass just broke
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
