you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
