It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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