dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I want her autograph on my taint
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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