My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So vagazzling was a success
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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