Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
