rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
