i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
