She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
