i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
