It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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