Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
