do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
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She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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