Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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