rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
