you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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