Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
