My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
