Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
