so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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