wanna go halves on a baby?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
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