I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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