watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
