Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
