I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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