did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
