i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
