ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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