The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm passing your future prison.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
