we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
