I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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