Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
