Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
