I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
