He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
