What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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