Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
