Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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