This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
