I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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