I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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