we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
3pm strippers are depressing
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
