my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is Oprah even human
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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