hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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