Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
