You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
