Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
