Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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