I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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