he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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