Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
