Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
