____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
