your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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