you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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