I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
