This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
