Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
