Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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