If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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