they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
