remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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