If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
