Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
