Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
