God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
