So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
