ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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