Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
