well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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