waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
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