I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
