Soap is not a condiment
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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