I'm gonna have a badass scar
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
