So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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