dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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