life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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